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Albany, Oregon, many moons ago.

"Man, this town's like the pantsuit of nowheres."

-- Clark Systma

SYNOPSIS: Set in the early 1980s, when teenagers lugged pocket combs and grew abysmal mustaches, Albany, Oregon tracks the flowering romance between Clark Systma, first-floor crowd control at Everybody's Records, and Shandi Everacre, senior lettuce handler at Angi's Burgers. Can they find true love at the Santiam/Pacific triangle under the ever-watchful consternation of Shandi's father, Bill, a Harvard-educated upholstery consultant at Rubenstein's Furniture? And what of the aggressive affections of Jake Eppling, head buyer for the Fred Meyer music department and, most importantly, heir to the Hereford Steer empire? Will his calculated urbanity and brand new Le Car be enough to spirit young Shandi away? We're not sure, but it's enough to tear the Gut apart!

But Clark has a plan, and it's crazy enough to work. Barreling in from Portland: all-important shipments of Blue Oyster Cult's "Fire of Unknown Origin," destined to become the biggest-selling album in city history. It's a race against time as Clark and Jake battle to intercept the delivery and alter Albany's destiny forever!

With the revenue, Clark plans to transform the derelict Van Dran Hotel into a premier destination for out-of-towners too full to drive home from King Arthur's Pizza, marry the fair Shandi in the shadow of the T&R sign, and thwart the Jaycees' plans to turn the Elks Lodge into a timber-themed discotheque. Longtime residents may shed a tear at the CGI-generated Roth's IGA, and sigh audibly at the painstaking re-creation of the Al Ray Motel at three in the morning.

Rated R for general malaise, affronts to the ozone layer, suburb-ennui and prolonged exposure to Billy Squier.

SIDE 1

1. LOVERBOY, "Turn Me Loose"

2. JOURNEY, "Don't Stop Believin'"

3. AC/DC, "For Those About to Rock (We Salute You)"

4. KISS, "Shandi"

5. THE CARS, "It's All I Can Do"

6. REO SPEEDWAGON, "Don't Let Him Go"

SIDE 2

1. BLUE OYSTER CULT, "Veteran of the Psychic Wars"

2. CHEAP TRICK, "Dream Police"

3. MOTORHEAD, "Love Me Like a Reptile"

4. VAN HALEN, "Little Dreamer"

5. QUEEN, "Sail Away Sweet Sister (To the Sister I Never Had)"

6. EAGLES, "In the City"

Soundtrack available on Bamboo Terrace Records and Tapes.

Cory Frye is a recovering El Comedor busboy.

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